30 March 2011
My dad has issue again......and this make me to wake up again
Tonight, my dad has a situation again......I am so helpless......I wish there are someone besides me, and tell me what should I do......
27 March 2011
< Lie to me>
after I came back to HKG for good, and after I have sent the e-mail to Mr. D....I was very addicted to a TV drama called < Lie to me>, I wanna learn if Mr. D was truly into me when he knew I got a one way ticket back home.......or he just ...playing around with me......
I knew..I am only making excuse not to forget about Mr. D.....but......I still miss him..... a lot ......I still hoping...he will come and seek for me again like he used to be.....
I knew..I am only making excuse not to forget about Mr. D.....but......I still miss him..... a lot ......I still hoping...he will come and seek for me again like he used to be.....
25 March 2011
A song reminds me of Mr. HK
Whenever I hear this song, it reminds me ...what if..I have the guts to run away with Mr. HK....what would happen?
24 March 2011
20 March 2011
Sometimes, I do blame all my Exes, especially Mr. D......
Even she tried so hard to escape from my arm when I first held her, yet, after a while, she was settled down, and even slept peacefully in my arms.
My crazy sis kept saying that if I am lucky, I could have give birth to my own baby...this reminds me of Mr. J......if I did agree to marry him when he proposed....yeah, I should have give birth to our very first born soon or later! Yet, if I marry him , I would never meet Mr. D......or even Mr. L and Mr. HK , even I never truly fall into Mr. L and Mr. HK, yet, they still play a small part in my life......Mr. L taught me how to drink wine (I finally found out they are only the basic after years ~ but without him, I don't even know how to drink) and Mr. HK taught me what's the meaning of patience......
Sometimes, I do blame all my Exes, especially Mr. D.....it's not fair to say that to Mr. D, but ....I was spoiled by my exes before I met Mr. D...and Mr. D ....he used to come back after all the crazy acts I have done......How could he do it? My acts were way too crazy ~
And now...after I came back to HKG for good....guys who I met, no matter where they grew up......it just ...we can't go thorough the time of letting them to hold my hand ........I really hate myself for this!
There was one guy, I did like, and he did finally hold my hand......yet, for some reasons, we can't go further, and I also put a stop sign once I know what would happen in the future!
What is happening with me? Why Mr. D still live in my heart?
18 March 2011
Why all these happened?!?!?
Someone you used to be very close to ......totally disappear from your life......
You tried to contact him, but you also knew if he didn't want to contact with you, there is no way you can contact him......
You have try a lot of method to forget about him....yet, he is still there in your memory......
It's going to be two year soon, and I admit it, I am still in pain......I still angry at myself for sending out an e-mail asking him to stay away from me......
You tried to contact him, but you also knew if he didn't want to contact with you, there is no way you can contact him......
You have try a lot of method to forget about him....yet, he is still there in your memory......
It's going to be two year soon, and I admit it, I am still in pain......I still angry at myself for sending out an e-mail asking him to stay away from me......
15 March 2011
9 March 2011
another fight with my boss
Gosh......what's happened between me and my boss......I have decided to quit....how can both of us be so emotional to each other?
what's the point to make me to talk in person?
What's the point to say besides working for her...there is nothing I can do?
Am I really that bad?
I am so lost!
Do I really want to leave this company? No! But do I love my job? No! I am very sick of asking people to place advertisement with us, no project at all !!!!!!! I can't see the future with the new department head as well! I am missing the time when I first come to this company, we all speak up in the meeting! We all do things for the company!
I am very sick of I am the only one to discuss things with my boss during meeting! I am very sick of my "seniors" didn't have any real input during the meeting! It's Boring!!!!!!!!! Meeting becomes meaningless!
what's the point to make me to talk in person?
What's the point to say besides working for her...there is nothing I can do?
Am I really that bad?
I am so lost!
Do I really want to leave this company? No! But do I love my job? No! I am very sick of asking people to place advertisement with us, no project at all !!!!!!! I can't see the future with the new department head as well! I am missing the time when I first come to this company, we all speak up in the meeting! We all do things for the company!
I am very sick of I am the only one to discuss things with my boss during meeting! I am very sick of my "seniors" didn't have any real input during the meeting! It's Boring!!!!!!!!! Meeting becomes meaningless!
7 March 2011
Don't worry, I cry not because of Mr.D
MY FRIEND, I am glad you sent me a message once you woke up, I cried not because I missed Mr.D, I cry, because I missed to share a bed with someone I love, and I was angry of myself, angry of myself to make the wrong decision. yet, I am looking forward! Mr. D can't be the one, after he kept pushing me to my limited.
Guess what, I got a cut on my back , and I didn't know that till have a shower this morning , I will never trust you can take care of me anymore : P
Guess what, I got a cut on my back , and I didn't know that till have a shower this morning , I will never trust you can take care of me anymore : P
6 March 2011
I was in another Man's bed, but I can't stop crying......
I have create another crisis for my friends last weekend......
Some of my friends already knew that beside Mr. S, no guy can actually go on the third date with me after I knew their intentions, and the reason for Mr. S to survive was. he shares similar background with Mr. D. and...in somehow, we are the same kind of person, to forgive the love of our life no matter what they have done. So, in somehow, I am glad for what's happened between me and Mr. S. Things could happen, but we have stopped that! I even deleted him from my facebook, mobile an MSN! yes, I can be very mean if I know I have to......
o......back to the story I want to tell, it only happened last night......
A friend of mine introduced a guy to me, and I have started my first date with him, the first date was fine, but I truly believe MY FRIEND already told him all my stories after I broken up with Mr. D, which is why this guy make it as a Mahjong gathering in his house, a casual gathering between "'friends"(I only knew he planned for the fake gather today).
I already got three drinks before I arrived his house, (yeah, I can't drink much after I designed to limited my alcohol intake to be maximum 4 standard drinks even for weekend, and 3 for weekdays if that's for client relation situation during weekday)
If that's not because of MY FRIEND, I would never go to his house!
I haven't slept in a double bed since I left Australia. I admitted that......even I was in my single bed,I
would try to roll and seek for......which is why I put all the books besides my beds, and make it feels like, I am not sleeping alone! I did the same thing whenever I have a fight with Mr. D, but the difference was, I put all my books back to the bookshelf or on the ground when I woke up, as he stated that he wants a tidy bedroom when we moved into his house, a place just for two of us, and I never know when would he come into the room after he was very angry with me! So...in order not to make him more angry, I would try not to make a mess...as he knew my schedule, and if he wants to avoid me, he could always able to.......and that's what he did......
o...back to my recent story......
After I arrived home, and MY FRIEND said he really want to play Mahjong, and they needs one more person for the Mahjong for a few hours, MY FRIEND even said he must pay for what I have lost in the game....and he also offer to drive me there and he must send me home by himself......I trust him as always, and he was willing to pay for what I would lose in a Mahjong game, I was like ' Why not'
However, when I arrive that party house, I realize , that's a lie, they have enough people to play the mahjong game, and MY FRIEND was happily playing Kinect of X box with his target, and ...the house owner was waiting for me......
after 2 more drinks, I felt so drunk, and wanna go home, yet, MY FRIEND was happily playing KINECT with his target, so he make me to take the nap in that house, and the house owner was so nice, he offered me his own bed, and promised he would not share the same room with me. and my friend said he must block the house owner for getting in to the room!
After the promise of MY FRIEND and the house owner, I did go into him room, and I could tell, even he has a double bed, he is single for a while, any woman can tell when you step into his room and his own bathroom.
anyways....after I fall into slept, I can't felt Winnie the pooh which Mr. D gave me, or books around me, or Mr. D, of course......I recall the the feeling when I was in Mr. D's house when he was not around in my dream, ......I went into tears ......which I even don't know why...he , the house owner knocked the door for a while to wake me up......
I was burst into tears when the house owner 's knocking the door to wake me up and I let myself to cry in his arms .....and he offer to drive me home, while MY FRIEND was still playing KINCET.
Gosh......I felt so embarrassed now...... I am a grow up woman...and still burst into tears because of my dream......and because of someone who I will never see in my life, what is going on withe me?
and of course, good luck to MY FRIEND, I am so going to kill him when the next time I see HIM!!!!!!
Some of my friends already knew that beside Mr. S, no guy can actually go on the third date with me after I knew their intentions, and the reason for Mr. S to survive was. he shares similar background with Mr. D. and...in somehow, we are the same kind of person, to forgive the love of our life no matter what they have done. So, in somehow, I am glad for what's happened between me and Mr. S. Things could happen, but we have stopped that! I even deleted him from my facebook, mobile an MSN! yes, I can be very mean if I know I have to......
o......back to the story I want to tell, it only happened last night......
A friend of mine introduced a guy to me, and I have started my first date with him, the first date was fine, but I truly believe MY FRIEND already told him all my stories after I broken up with Mr. D, which is why this guy make it as a Mahjong gathering in his house, a casual gathering between "'friends"(I only knew he planned for the fake gather today).
I already got three drinks before I arrived his house, (yeah, I can't drink much after I designed to limited my alcohol intake to be maximum 4 standard drinks even for weekend, and 3 for weekdays if that's for client relation situation during weekday)
If that's not because of MY FRIEND, I would never go to his house!
I haven't slept in a double bed since I left Australia. I admitted that......even I was in my single bed,I
would try to roll and seek for......which is why I put all the books besides my beds, and make it feels like, I am not sleeping alone! I did the same thing whenever I have a fight with Mr. D, but the difference was, I put all my books back to the bookshelf or on the ground when I woke up, as he stated that he wants a tidy bedroom when we moved into his house, a place just for two of us, and I never know when would he come into the room after he was very angry with me! So...in order not to make him more angry, I would try not to make a mess...as he knew my schedule, and if he wants to avoid me, he could always able to.......and that's what he did......
o...back to my recent story......
After I arrived home, and MY FRIEND said he really want to play Mahjong, and they needs one more person for the Mahjong for a few hours, MY FRIEND even said he must pay for what I have lost in the game....and he also offer to drive me there and he must send me home by himself......I trust him as always, and he was willing to pay for what I would lose in a Mahjong game, I was like ' Why not'
However, when I arrive that party house, I realize , that's a lie, they have enough people to play the mahjong game, and MY FRIEND was happily playing Kinect of X box with his target, and ...the house owner was waiting for me......
after 2 more drinks, I felt so drunk, and wanna go home, yet, MY FRIEND was happily playing KINECT with his target, so he make me to take the nap in that house, and the house owner was so nice, he offered me his own bed, and promised he would not share the same room with me. and my friend said he must block the house owner for getting in to the room!
After the promise of MY FRIEND and the house owner, I did go into him room, and I could tell, even he has a double bed, he is single for a while, any woman can tell when you step into his room and his own bathroom.
anyways....after I fall into slept, I can't felt Winnie the pooh which Mr. D gave me, or books around me, or Mr. D, of course......I recall the the feeling when I was in Mr. D's house when he was not around in my dream, ......I went into tears ......which I even don't know why...he , the house owner knocked the door for a while to wake me up......
I was burst into tears when the house owner 's knocking the door to wake me up and I let myself to cry in his arms .....and he offer to drive me home, while MY FRIEND was still playing KINCET.
Gosh......I felt so embarrassed now...... I am a grow up woman...and still burst into tears because of my dream......and because of someone who I will never see in my life, what is going on withe me?
and of course, good luck to MY FRIEND, I am so going to kill him when the next time I see HIM!!!!!!
3 March 2011
Gosh......what if I can't find another Mr. D, who does know me......
Gosh....when I was watching modern family season 2 ep. 16, I miss Mr. D badly......
I know I know, he has totally forgot about me , and it's a good thing for him, I was a disaster!
It just......I never know myself, I never know what I am good at......and he seems to be the only guy who knows me more than myself......
After listening to a lot of stories from my friends, most of my female friends keep complain that their partners/boyfriends never able to get them any gift which they truly like...but ...Mr. D always get it right for me, it's amazing! He always know what I want, and I don't have to say a word......
Of course, on the other hand......I am not sure what he wants, and ...... in somehow......I was scared......I never have any confidence, and when compare with my exes, Mr. D is really not as good as them from his family backgrounds, education and other factors, but he was the only one who knows me, and I was scared when I was with him, because he is the only man who can tell what I want all the time, he knows me more than myself, yet the only weakness was......he was not mature enough to lead me ......I never understand him....as ...it seems he knew me, but why he has to do things which he knew I would be soooooooo sad? After all these years, I have to accept the fact that, "he is not that into me"......
I have to remind myself...when guys who truly into me...even they are not able to know me deeply.......they would never try to do things in order to challenge my limit! My limited is easy to tell! no one beside Mr. D would push me to the corner.
Why am I always meet the guys in the wrong timing? I met a man who wanted to marry me, and a man who I wanted to marry with......but as always, always met them in the wrong timing!
I know...it's my problem! I always want someone who knows me, yet....for someone who knows me, he has to have the ability to calm me down as well....as ......I am lack of confidence...... I never truly believe in myself and "marriage"...even that's what I want......
p.s. don't worry all my friends, (I don't think any of you will look into my crappy notes here! My click rate should be zero everyday~anyways) I am over Mr. D...it just .......I miss to be with someone who knows me deeply......
I know I know, he has totally forgot about me , and it's a good thing for him, I was a disaster!
It just......I never know myself, I never know what I am good at......and he seems to be the only guy who knows me more than myself......
After listening to a lot of stories from my friends, most of my female friends keep complain that their partners/boyfriends never able to get them any gift which they truly like...but ...Mr. D always get it right for me, it's amazing! He always know what I want, and I don't have to say a word......
Of course, on the other hand......I am not sure what he wants, and ...... in somehow......I was scared......I never have any confidence, and when compare with my exes, Mr. D is really not as good as them from his family backgrounds, education and other factors, but he was the only one who knows me, and I was scared when I was with him, because he is the only man who can tell what I want all the time, he knows me more than myself, yet the only weakness was......he was not mature enough to lead me ......I never understand him....as ...it seems he knew me, but why he has to do things which he knew I would be soooooooo sad? After all these years, I have to accept the fact that, "he is not that into me"......
I have to remind myself...when guys who truly into me...even they are not able to know me deeply.......they would never try to do things in order to challenge my limit! My limited is easy to tell! no one beside Mr. D would push me to the corner.
Why am I always meet the guys in the wrong timing? I met a man who wanted to marry me, and a man who I wanted to marry with......but as always, always met them in the wrong timing!
I know...it's my problem! I always want someone who knows me, yet....for someone who knows me, he has to have the ability to calm me down as well....as ......I am lack of confidence...... I never truly believe in myself and "marriage"...even that's what I want......
p.s. don't worry all my friends, (I don't think any of you will look into my crappy notes here! My click rate should be zero everyday~anyways) I am over Mr. D...it just .......I miss to be with someone who knows me deeply......
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