28 February 2011
I will never allow any asshole to hurt my famiy member
If anyone who try to hurt my family member, I will fight against them till my last breathe!
26 February 2011
Granny......
Tonight, I saw my granny's face for the very last time......she looks so difference, totally difference from the granny who used to talk silly with me ......
Even though I am not young, and three of my grandparent has passed away ......granny was the very first person who I was around since she was not feeling well......
And......this is the very first funeral I was actually involved into ...... the whole process was shocking, I nearly burst into tears for quite a few times......but I have held my tears...as ....granny finally release from the pain......she was so sad at the end of her life, as ...being an independence person like her, she hates to lose her ability of taking care herself....As granny has a very strong mind, family told me that she always try to walk, even her body is not really able to during her last stage... she would walk whenever she able to ......
I still remember when I was a kid......I was a bit scared of her...unlike other grandparent, she won't talk to us! Whenever she knew we would be going to her house, she would buy some soft drinks and put them in her fridge. Once we said hello to her, she would told us to get soft drinks from her fridge, then, she would go out, either to work, or to hang out with her friends. Also, she acts like a man sometimes......totally difference from my grandma (the one from my father side). Even she was at home, she would sit quietly in her usual spot and smoking her Marlboro (the original one, the red one) , watching us playing silly games.
Granny always in a hurry, there was one time, we try to set up a barbecue fire on the roof as usual, and took us a while with no success, without saying a word, she brought one big tank of Kerosene and newspapers, claimed she would set the barbecue fire for us within a second...we were all shocked! It was lucky my mum was there and stopped her crazy action. I still wonder...... what would happen if we really let her to set the barbecue fire with Kerosene and newspaper, would she burn down her own house?
Gosh......I miss her so much...... She is my forever hero!
Even though I am not young, and three of my grandparent has passed away ......granny was the very first person who I was around since she was not feeling well......
And......this is the very first funeral I was actually involved into ...... the whole process was shocking, I nearly burst into tears for quite a few times......but I have held my tears...as ....granny finally release from the pain......she was so sad at the end of her life, as ...being an independence person like her, she hates to lose her ability of taking care herself....As granny has a very strong mind, family told me that she always try to walk, even her body is not really able to during her last stage... she would walk whenever she able to ......
I still remember when I was a kid......I was a bit scared of her...unlike other grandparent, she won't talk to us! Whenever she knew we would be going to her house, she would buy some soft drinks and put them in her fridge. Once we said hello to her, she would told us to get soft drinks from her fridge, then, she would go out, either to work, or to hang out with her friends. Also, she acts like a man sometimes......totally difference from my grandma (the one from my father side). Even she was at home, she would sit quietly in her usual spot and smoking her Marlboro (the original one, the red one) , watching us playing silly games.
Granny always in a hurry, there was one time, we try to set up a barbecue fire on the roof as usual, and took us a while with no success, without saying a word, she brought one big tank of Kerosene and newspapers, claimed she would set the barbecue fire for us within a second...we were all shocked! It was lucky my mum was there and stopped her crazy action. I still wonder...... what would happen if we really let her to set the barbecue fire with Kerosene and newspaper, would she burn down her own house?
Gosh......I miss her so much...... She is my forever hero!
25 February 2011
The reason I haven't quit my job......
I am still waiting...waiting for someone's come back! There are so much I can learn from her, yet, I didn't have much time to be with her before......please give me a second chance ......
Please god, please let her come back, let me work with her for one year, one year will be enough!
Yet......I have set a deadline for myself......if she is not coming back...I am going to hand in a goodbye letter on April fool's Day~
Gosh...April fool's Day again......
Please god, please let her come back, let me work with her for one year, one year will be enough!
Yet......I have set a deadline for myself......if she is not coming back...I am going to hand in a goodbye letter on April fool's Day~
Gosh...April fool's Day again......
23 February 2011
My very first time to have the feeling of "this is not the job I want to do"
I love Art....but ...the job I am working now......it's not really want I want....the title is Sales and Marketing...but it's all about money money money......
if we need money , we need some marketing for the company as well! How can anything achieve without marketing strategic?
Gosh! What am I doing here?
if we need money , we need some marketing for the company as well! How can anything achieve without marketing strategic?
Gosh! What am I doing here?
19 February 2011
If I can keep learning how to cook at least one dish a week
Before that, mum kept saying she hates the way I cook, and that's her kitchen, so I always get yell when I try to cook something. Yet, tonight, she told me she has some King Prawns, and ask me to cook them. I was surprised! Yet, a chance to practice my cooking skills, I am not going to lose it!
So...that's what I made, Garlic and Cheese King Prawns , the dish I learn when I was working in a restaurant in Australia, and that's one of the dishes I love a lot , with the sause, I can eat one whole bowl of rice : )
After tonight, if I have more change to practice, maybe....after 2011, I should be able to cook a meal for family! One entree , three mains with soups (We Hong Kong people love soup) plus desert! One part of "the Journey to be a better person" should be able to achieve.
I hate myself in the past, the one who screwed up everything in her life!!!!!!
After Granny gone......I keep having weird dreams......
It's weird, because I keep dreaming of Mr. D......for two nights, and the weird part is......we were so distant in the dream, even he offered to give me a hug, I run away......or I would sit down in a cafe with someone and ask about him...or we met each other on the street, and act like we don't know each other at all.
When I woke up in these two days, I would feel so tried, and felt like I never sleep.
Why can't I see Granny in my dream? I miss her already.
When we were having a light lunch on the day granny passed away, an uncle pointed to me said Granny wanna to see me getting marry, and what have happened to us? (he didn't point at me only, also to others), my tears can't stop! I know he was trying to make things funny, but ......this line does hurt me! Because my and granny did have a silly chat about this, and I even promise her not to worry......
I wanna to tell her I thought she would live longer, for at least 2-3 years longer, then maybe if we are all lucky and I behave, she would be able to see someone getting marry.
When I woke up in these two days, I would feel so tried, and felt like I never sleep.
Why can't I see Granny in my dream? I miss her already.
When we were having a light lunch on the day granny passed away, an uncle pointed to me said Granny wanna to see me getting marry, and what have happened to us? (he didn't point at me only, also to others), my tears can't stop! I know he was trying to make things funny, but ......this line does hurt me! Because my and granny did have a silly chat about this, and I even promise her not to worry......
I wanna to tell her I thought she would live longer, for at least 2-3 years longer, then maybe if we are all lucky and I behave, she would be able to see someone getting marry.
17 February 2011
2011.02.17. 12:12
officially left us......
I will remember what you said for the rest of my life......seriously!
I will remember what you said for the rest of my life......seriously!
Watching someone I respect geting close to death......
The feeling of watching someone I respect a lot getting closer to death......is really bad......
I still remember the very last time when we have a little silly chat, she stated that she will not able to watch anyone of us getting marry , and I was like "no way". and of course, she gave me her usual facial expression, a look of " I am going to be right, we'll see".
Gosh......she is a genius! Full of wisdom for daily life.
I still remember the very last time when we have a little silly chat, she stated that she will not able to watch anyone of us getting marry , and I was like "no way". and of course, she gave me her usual facial expression, a look of " I am going to be right, we'll see".
Gosh......she is a genius! Full of wisdom for daily life.
13 February 2011
"why do you wanna get marry?"
I was surprised when I actually met with a primary schoolmate who is married with two kids. I didn't think carefully, and my line just came out "OMG! how come you get marry when you are so young (for a male)!and his answer was "then, what's the reason for you wanna to marry with someone", I didn't say anything, but deep in my heart, I have my answer! Like most of the people, the only reason why I want to marry with someone is, I want to spend the rest of my life with him!
I am not a gal who play around, but I got to admit, as a woman in certain age, I dated some people, had relationships with a few guys! But I never meet a guy like Mr. D before, who knows me more than myself and someone who make me to think......
I always looking for someone who truly knows me, to be honest , I don't even know myself after all these years! which is why I tends to date guys who are older than me!
Wow, why am I talking about him again? Gosh!
Anyways, it's fun to spend a night with a group of primary schoolmates : ) and I am happy that I am sort of re-connect to the world again! Hanging out with people is much better than staying at home with my Macbook all the time~
I am not a gal who play around, but I got to admit, as a woman in certain age, I dated some people, had relationships with a few guys! But I never meet a guy like Mr. D before, who knows me more than myself and someone who make me to think......
I always looking for someone who truly knows me, to be honest , I don't even know myself after all these years! which is why I tends to date guys who are older than me!
Wow, why am I talking about him again? Gosh!
Anyways, it's fun to spend a night with a group of primary schoolmates : ) and I am happy that I am sort of re-connect to the world again! Hanging out with people is much better than staying at home with my Macbook all the time~
11 February 2011
about gossip
Gossiping among friends is fun!
But gossiping among work circle is scary~
Gosh, I don't mind listening to the gossips, but I am not going to say a word ~
But gossiping among work circle is scary~
Gosh, I don't mind listening to the gossips, but I am not going to say a word ~
8 February 2011
"Clicked" ......I did the right thing for us on April Fools' 2009
In 2011, people keep remains me how old am I , and I should at least find someone for dating, even I sort of making myself to be single in 2011. People who cares about me keep reminding me, I am getting old for a female! No time to waste......
When I saw my cousin's photo, some lovely family photos, with the new born baby. I suddenly realize, I did the right thing on April Fools' day, 2009...
I do know I should never ever think about starting a family until I can find someone who can make me to "obey". I got to be honest,when I was with Mr. D.....that's the very first time I do think (sometimes) "o...maybe I should not do this""maybe this is not correct" when I want to do something crazy and / or silly.
Friends and Exes always accept "that's Clipse" when I do crazy things. But Mr. D would get angry, and the funny part was, I did care if he was angry, and I would finally think maybe he has his points! That's the very first time in my life to care if someone angry at my behavior!
When I saw my cousin's gorgeous baby from facebook, suddenly I knew I did the right thing with Mr. D! After all the nightmares I created, he changed every times, but I am the one who never change!!! If I didn't call a stop for this, it's may turn into endless cycle! This is the second time I asked to break up with him, I still remember his line when the first time I said I want to break up, and after his line, I totally forget the feeling of break up within 5 seconds!
Anyways, even I made the biggest joke to my life by asking him to stay away from me, it was also the very first time I did the right thing for my life as well. Without asking him to stay away, I will never ever think about my problems! And I finally release I am the problem for this relationship, and even for my life.
I still miss him a lot, yet, He is history now!
When I saw my cousin's photo, some lovely family photos, with the new born baby. I suddenly realize, I did the right thing on April Fools' day, 2009...
I do know I should never ever think about starting a family until I can find someone who can make me to "obey". I got to be honest,when I was with Mr. D.....that's the very first time I do think (sometimes) "o...maybe I should not do this""maybe this is not correct" when I want to do something crazy and / or silly.
Friends and Exes always accept "that's Clipse" when I do crazy things. But Mr. D would get angry, and the funny part was, I did care if he was angry, and I would finally think maybe he has his points! That's the very first time in my life to care if someone angry at my behavior!
When I saw my cousin's gorgeous baby from facebook, suddenly I knew I did the right thing with Mr. D! After all the nightmares I created, he changed every times, but I am the one who never change!!! If I didn't call a stop for this, it's may turn into endless cycle! This is the second time I asked to break up with him, I still remember his line when the first time I said I want to break up, and after his line, I totally forget the feeling of break up within 5 seconds!
Anyways, even I made the biggest joke to my life by asking him to stay away from me, it was also the very first time I did the right thing for my life as well. Without asking him to stay away, I will never ever think about my problems! And I finally release I am the problem for this relationship, and even for my life.
I still miss him a lot, yet, He is history now!
6 February 2011
He is like a bother I never have
Have a really nice chat with a very old friend again~ the one who is like a bother I never have.
He reminds me, it's going to be 2 years soon, why am I doing this to myself...and after another long chat, I promised him, I will seriously let go, seriously!
My dearest bother, I hope I can come to the states and have dinner with you soon~
He reminds me, it's going to be 2 years soon, why am I doing this to myself...and after another long chat, I promised him, I will seriously let go, seriously!
My dearest bother, I hope I can come to the states and have dinner with you soon~
5 February 2011
My goal in 2011
I wanna be at least okay and people won't think that I am someone who pay for the whole game : )
To read the news or not to read the news
Technically, the first task of my daily job duties is -- to read 3 newspapers and weekly magazines. As we have to keep up with the tends of the Art scene, smells what we can do with any new tends, or even create somethings!
I used to read the newspaper everyday, even in Australia, sometimes, I would grab the actual paper rather than read that from the net, there are more details from the actual prints. Yet, When I come back to Hong Kong, I sort of......ignoring the news.
The section suppose to be about the society, becomes dramatic days after days, sometimes, I am confused , keep asking myself am I actually read news, or am I actually reading a fiction? Even for politicians, their behavior becomes like those plots from soap opera. Even for people who try to raise some rebels against the HKG government, the media would make it into a drama~ making that's the problem of Gen Y , especially those from 1980s'!
I tends to ignore all the news now, yet, I have to follow the news of West Kowloon, it's related to Art......People (the Art related people) always claim we don't have the hardware (like Venues) to support! I always wonder, even if we have the best Venue, are our programs good enough ?O well, not going to talk about anything related politic issues!
I just wonder ....if I should keep ignoring news or what? In somehow, I am not sure where am I living now, I read news around the world, I don't watch Hong Kong's TV program, not going to those very popular concerts/activities which most of my friends go...etc....gosh......is it a good thing? or is it going to destroy me soon?
I used to read the newspaper everyday, even in Australia, sometimes, I would grab the actual paper rather than read that from the net, there are more details from the actual prints. Yet, When I come back to Hong Kong, I sort of......ignoring the news.
The section suppose to be about the society, becomes dramatic days after days, sometimes, I am confused , keep asking myself am I actually read news, or am I actually reading a fiction? Even for politicians, their behavior becomes like those plots from soap opera. Even for people who try to raise some rebels against the HKG government, the media would make it into a drama~ making that's the problem of Gen Y , especially those from 1980s'!
I tends to ignore all the news now, yet, I have to follow the news of West Kowloon, it's related to Art......People (the Art related people) always claim we don't have the hardware (like Venues) to support! I always wonder, even if we have the best Venue, are our programs good enough ?O well, not going to talk about anything related politic issues!
I just wonder ....if I should keep ignoring news or what? In somehow, I am not sure where am I living now, I read news around the world, I don't watch Hong Kong's TV program, not going to those very popular concerts/activities which most of my friends go...etc....gosh......is it a good thing? or is it going to destroy me soon?
3 February 2011
A song I finally hear the lyrics today....
"Let it go, let it flow. He's a huge inspiration to me.
Let it go, let it flow. You have to heal yourself, My dear!"
I was cleaning my desk at work, and I suddenly, for the first time, I truly listen to this song's lyrics. Why can't I hear this lyrics ages ago? It's an old song!
I was thinking how come I am standing still today. To be honest, I am surprise by my behavior as well. What is going on with me?
Anyways, I am good now! I still love him in somehow, but finally understand that's the past(hopefully this will e the very last time I say this)! He already admitted he got a target within 6 months to others! I can't stand still like this anymore : ) In somehow, I should say thank you to his cousin, he is the one who confirm this news!(of course, I got someone to do the double confirmation as well) if his cousin never mention that crazy line, I do want to be friend with him! He is fun, cool and smart! Or.. I might even fall into his trap......he is a charming guy after all. Yet, when I think about it, I should have sense his intention, what kind of male willing to listing to some gals' crap story when they already know the answer? Never learn my lesson from the past.....
1 February 2011
Three wise monkeys
"see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"
I should never explore my weakness to the world, but......I know I am lazy! I know I am not going to forget about my past and learn from my past if I don't let my problem explore to the world! I am very good at covering my weakness and act as I am close to normal in font of people.
There are so many times I want to act like the time I just came back from Australia, went out with friends every weekend, or even during the weekdays, always believe Mr. D would come back inside my heart, never face the fact that...he is already gone. Even his cuz told me he already interested in someone else during our very last conversation! (There was reason I hate his cuz, I did trust him!!! His cuz did broken my heart in somehow! I always believe in him, which was why I told him my true feeling and the story from my part! But I felt like a fool now, and of course, a lesson learn from that , I should never trust any male until I spent a lot of time with him)
I only start this blog for a month, and I have the ideas to close this for more than 20 times! I don't want to face the fact! I don't want to let go of the past in somehow.I just want to stand still...I don't want to face the fact that he is not going to seek for me this time! I don't want to admit I still unable to face the fact!
Maybe....this blog is a good thing! A thing that maybe ...in case any of my friends saw this, they will yell at me. I read an article about "To write about feeling is better than to talk about it"for few months ago, I do feel this! All the endless chats with friends and family didn't really calm myself down, but whenever I wrote a blog, I know I need to think twice before I type in any word! As..there are chances for anyone to read this! This made me to think, and to calm down in somehow!
and......my real reason to write in English is ...... only people who care about me a lot will read thought my bad English! (no matter if English is their first language or not)
I won't keep this blog for long! only one year! In 2012, I will face the fact that Mr. D is totally gone!!!!!! As the same time, I will be a better woman~I have to push myself to improve!!!!!!
Then, I will hide my weaknesses! There will be no need to explore my feeling to the world!
"see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"will be Clipse in 2012 : )
I should never explore my weakness to the world, but......I know I am lazy! I know I am not going to forget about my past and learn from my past if I don't let my problem explore to the world! I am very good at covering my weakness and act as I am close to normal in font of people.
There are so many times I want to act like the time I just came back from Australia, went out with friends every weekend, or even during the weekdays, always believe Mr. D would come back inside my heart, never face the fact that...he is already gone. Even his cuz told me he already interested in someone else during our very last conversation! (There was reason I hate his cuz, I did trust him!!! His cuz did broken my heart in somehow! I always believe in him, which was why I told him my true feeling and the story from my part! But I felt like a fool now, and of course, a lesson learn from that , I should never trust any male until I spent a lot of time with him)
I only start this blog for a month, and I have the ideas to close this for more than 20 times! I don't want to face the fact! I don't want to let go of the past in somehow.I just want to stand still...I don't want to face the fact that he is not going to seek for me this time! I don't want to admit I still unable to face the fact!
Maybe....this blog is a good thing! A thing that maybe ...in case any of my friends saw this, they will yell at me. I read an article about "To write about feeling is better than to talk about it"for few months ago, I do feel this! All the endless chats with friends and family didn't really calm myself down, but whenever I wrote a blog, I know I need to think twice before I type in any word! As..there are chances for anyone to read this! This made me to think, and to calm down in somehow!
and......my real reason to write in English is ...... only people who care about me a lot will read thought my bad English! (no matter if English is their first language or not)
I won't keep this blog for long! only one year! In 2012, I will face the fact that Mr. D is totally gone!!!!!! As the same time, I will be a better woman~I have to push myself to improve!!!!!!
Then, I will hide my weaknesses! There will be no need to explore my feeling to the world!
"see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"will be Clipse in 2012 : )
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