Goodbye Mr. D.S. --I don't want to , but I have to

Finally, I know it's a forever goodbye! I was planning to send him e-mail again, but...for what? If he can read this blog, that's destiny makes him to read. If we mean to be together, he will able to read this blog......I have done so many wrong things, can I really ask him to forgive my behaviors? If I am in his situation, I don't have the guts to try getting back with this messy gal anymore.

On April's fool Day,2009,I was drunk, I was lost and I was missing Mr. D.S. badly, and I made the biggest jokes in my life, an e-mail which I try to define our "relationship", after years ,people keep telling me that I have done a good job, yet,I don't want to believe this, but I have to make myself to do so, it's time to let go. Maybe for good job, they don't mean for me, its a good job for him.

Before 2011, I always think there is one day , one day Mr. D.S. will appear in my life again, like what we used to be, the routine would be, I went crazy , then he disappeared, I was depressed, and try to get over, then , he would be back! And I thought, this is my second time to claim breaking up with him (first time only last for 5 second, I gave up in ease in font of him), he would punish me for, maybe a year, by that time, I will be good and not so emotion anymore, which is why I wasn't that emotional before.

A fortune teller told me if I do something, we can be together again, yet......seems like, his life without me would be much more happier.....at least, no need to scare of a crazy woman complaint for hours.

Sometimes he complaint that I didn't need him ...the truth is......I do need him a lot, yet, I knew his family, his career and his friends also need him, I got to be strong, no matter how much I need him. However, I really couldn't stand it sometimes, and I would went so crazy. I remain the same every-time we got back together, on the other hand, I knew he changed every times when he came back to be with me.

We didn't really have a very long time together, at least, we never able to spend any festival together, either he needed to go home helping his family, or I need to work in the restaurant, yet, I truly believed this would last forever ......before I sent him that e-mail.....