"what if someone really lovs you appear in 2011"

If there is something I really want to do, no matter how hard is it, I can always achieve my goal, this is one of my characters, a character which I love and hate!

Have a really nice chat with a long time friend last night! Everyone knows that I am going to keep myself single in 2011. Yet, he asked me "what if someone really loves you appear in 2011, and that's someone you have feeling as well"....I went silence. I didn't know how to answer after he added " what if he is the one, and if you refuse the fate, there will be no one else!"

of course I know why was he saying this. He is like a big brother to me, and he always say if he didn't leave Australia before I met Mr.D., he would always stop this disaster to happen, for disaster, I think he means he will try his best to stop me being with Mr. D ! And of course, he teased me about my past as well, always disappear and totally cut off the connection when I felt I don't like that guy anymore during the dating period, and he was the one who clean up the mess for me! Of course, he must yell at me every time I make this kind of mess.

In my defense, Sydney is small, he and his GF (wife now~) know almost everyone in town. Even I went to Sydney without telling them, people would tell them I was there! So Scary! Some of their friends actually think I am his sister, and he didn't really explain to them, we are not blood-related at all, so...from this point, I always say, it's not really my fault he needs to clean up my messes in somehow.

For me, having dinner, holding hands for a really short time, like holding hands when I was drunk, when I was in my heels while we were on a long walk, and kissing goodbye...they don't mean a RELATIONSHIP for me! so, if I don't feel alright in this stage, I always put a clear STOP sign to the guy, isn't it better? Stop it before anything happen.

I take relationship seriously. I never let myself do anything further unless I really love that man, what's wrong with that?  If I have to go further, that will be relationship to me. I seriously don't understand why I become a bitch when I put a clear stop sign to guys I am not interested during the dating period.

Anyways, I know what he wants to tell me, he is asking me to open my heart...I will try...but... I finally understand I am the problem of everything happen to my life, and I got issues, really need to face these issues and deal with them before I deserve LOVE again....